This is my first post to this or any other board. I hope someone can help me. My general practitioner percribed ativan to me when I mentioned I had a problem with anxiety on our 1st visit. He didn't ask any questions at all, nor did he refer me to a specialist in mental health issues. He issued a perscription for 30 with one refill of 30, and provided zero information about the potential issues involved with what I now know is a very dangerous substance. He wrote the script and said it would help - that was all he said! The meds really did help with my anxiety, and I was relieved to find something that helped. About 3 months later I called in my renewal of lipitor (to lower cholesterol) and ativan. I was suprised to find 30 lipitor with one month refill (which should have been 30 with 5 refills, to last our usual 6 months)and 60 ativan with 5 refills (way more than our 1st script). I was enjoying the relief from my anxiety that ativan provided, and began following the labels directions for one 1 mg tab twice a day as needed. Situationally, I was under some stress, and i was taking ativan almost every day of the week, probably 4 days taking 2 and 2 or 3 days taking one. This lasted for 6 months - I then called in another renerwal and gor 60 with 3 refills. Well......Last weekend I decided I wanted to do without ativan - I thought I could handle it, as some of the stress had declined. I stopped taking it cold turkey, and since I felt fine for 2 or 3 days, I assumed all was fine. Then came night 3 - I had very bizarre, realistic, and disturbing dreams - i woke up screaming a number of times (this never happens to me). Day 4 I began having bad diarrhea, felt dizzy and achy. I assumed since it was so long after I stopped ativan that it was unrelated. Night 4 I had intensely disturbing dreams - undistinguishable from reality - truly terrifying and disturbing. Today (day 5) I woke up with terrible diarrhea, dizziness, and a strong feeling of detatchment from my body. Again, I thought it was the flu, but I only had to work for a few hours, so I decided to drive. Well, I found that to be really hard - I looked to see if traffic was coming, but then had to keep looking becuase I couldn't trust myself - there were no cars coming at all, but reality was unreal. At work I felt boaderline passing out a number of times, and this strange detatchment from my body was very strong. I was very emotionally and anxious - I honestly thought I was having a nervous breakdown and that my brain was misfiring somehow. I literally was not far from checking myself into a hospital (I've never done that before) - I feared for my own safety. Well.......I figured it was time to look for some answers online, and that's when I found a wealth of information that confirmed for me, without a doubt, that I was suffering from full tilt atival withdrawl. I learned a great deal about this very dangerous medicine, and the more I learned, the more scared I became, and the more angry I became that the doc provided me no info and so many pills. Yes I took the medicine, and yes I should have researched it more for myself, but it is criminal to have provided so much of it with no warning about the potentially life threatening effects of cold turkey cessation (seizures are a real possibility). I had told my doc that I occasionally had smoked less than legal substances - was not doing so very much now, but had had quite a habit for many years earlier in my not too distant past. He knew my history of substance abuse. ANYWAY - today (day 5) after reading the info, i realized I need to start the ativan again, and doing so made me feel fine again. It was interesting for me to read that withdrawl effect can sometimes not start for day after stopping the drug. Also, many reccomend an extremely gradual tapering off of the drug, over a period of many months. I feel I have a major problem now and am a prisoner of this substance, as well as a prisoner of my need for altering reality. I do want help - I do need help. How the heck do I find a decent competent doctor to help - what kind of a doctor - do I even need a doctor? I feel that I suffered a major episode that risked my job, sanity, and potentially my life over the last 2 days - and I am really angry that my doctor in no way prepared me for the proper way to handle this drug, in no way evaluated my need for it, and in no way raised issues about me taking this addictive drug given my prior addiction issues. This anger has me thinking about lawyers - is this out of line? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! I'm ready to seek help but am not sure how to begin. After the super-scarry dreams the last few nights, I could ramble on and on now, as I'm too afraid to sleep, but I've said all I need to say - please give me some advice, and let me give you some - STAY THE HECK AWAY FROM ATIVAN AT ALL COSTS - ITS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS.